her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ugly people sure do ruin things
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
