I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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