38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize