Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
