woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
someone owes me an orgasm
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
