Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize