made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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