My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
