I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
