Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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