I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
