OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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