Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
