I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I understand Curling. That high.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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