Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
