Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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