I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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