If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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