it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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