I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
