How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
