I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
