Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
