She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
