sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
