Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
