I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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