Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
