I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
