break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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