I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
