oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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