Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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