I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
