Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
