Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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