escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
