I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize