ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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