All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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