can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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