Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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