He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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