Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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