Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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