you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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