take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
