Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize