Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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