Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
