You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize