It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
