I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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