Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
