ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
