if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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