my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
