Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
