is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize