chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
