You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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