Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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