I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize