i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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