R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
