Sry I called you an 8
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
