What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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