There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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