all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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