I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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