All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
