he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
