If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm gonna have a badass scar
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
