All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize